Secrets in a relationship: A necessity or a problem?

Full disclosure is often touted as the best bet in loving relationships, but in reality, most people tend to keep some secrets from their partners. But are such people being wrong? Is honesty always the best policy when it comes to relationships?

I recently read an article on the Huffington Post that looked into the issue. Affairs, debt, drink or drug problems, past bad behaviour and present sexual performance issues are all things people tend to hide from each other in relationships. Keeping secrets can create an unhealthy distance between you and your partner, although sometimes, it can be a bit of a grey area.

I once read an article about how many relationships needlessly break down after one person feels guilty enough to confess about a fast affair that?s been and gone. If the affair has fulfilled its purpose, does your partner really need to know? The author of the article (and, I believe, some sort of book), seemed to think that no, you needn?t share such a thing. In some cases, the article read, it?s not the affair that would end the relationship, but the guilt attached to it. Now, I?m pretty sure that if I were being cheated on in a relationship, I?d want to know, but some people, especially people who have been married for many years, have a don?t ask don?t tell policy that seems to work quite well for them. For others, though, the desire to have affairs and the willingness to follow through with them, highlights problems within the relationship itself.

Sometimes, these problems can actually be resolved, if both partners are willing to put in the work. In such cases, it may be beneficial to at least discuss the desire to have affairs in order to address the issues you and your partner are facing. On the other hand, any exposed secret can result in less wholesome consequences, such as relationship breakdown. For some people, ending a relationship that?s not going well is a risk worth taking when you?re trying to improve it. For others, stability is more important , even at the cost of living a double life. Where do you stand? Are there secrets you?d keep from your partner? Or do you believe relationships should be an open book?

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Written by Shimrit

Shimrit Elisar is the author of Everyone's Guide to Online Dating, the first UK online dating book. She is an online dating expert and a dating profile advisor who's helped hundreds of people successfully navigate the world of online dating.

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